Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hoboken


Hoboken – Everyone who lives there acts like they prefer it to Manhattan. They’re lying.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Taurus


Taurus Wagon - one of Ford’s “if you ride in the backseat facing backwards it feels like you’re in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon,” models. Most mechanics refer to it exclusively as the “CliTaurus.”

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Tarantino


Tarantino – hyperactive/retarded director of often graphic and campy films like: Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill I & II, and Reservoir Dogs. Next up for Quentin, a romantic comedy with Sandra Bullock called "Die, Talentless Cunt."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Saturday Night Live


Saturday Night Live – sketch comedy show that has launched many a career: Chevy Chase, Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, David Spade… I said the show launched their careers, sustaining them is another issue altogether.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Arsenio Hall


Arsenio Hall - black late night talk show host who rose to prominence when people decided Johnny Carson wasn't really "down with the kids." Creator of the "Dog Pound" and the "shake your fist in the air rhythmically while 'woofing'" phenomenon that is generally only used ironically nowadays. During his 1992 campaign, Clinton came on Arsenio... and played the saxophone. People shit themselves.
Now, it appears as though he's preparing for the lead in Juwanna Mann II.

Monday, May 18, 2009

tattoos


tattoos – some say tattoos are the ultimate form of personal expression, some say they are an abomination tampering with what God made. I say neither. Tattoos should be obtained in one of three ways: 1) on a dare 2) as a joke, and 3) against your will… the best tats come from a combination of all three.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Heelys


Heelys - sneakers with retractable wheels... or what separates the tools from the boys.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Swedish Fish


Swedish Fish - fish shaped gummy candy of which no one can eat more than 7 without getting nauseous... then wait 5 minutes, and eat 7 more, and repeat until the bag is gone.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

squash


squash – one of the lesser known racket sports. No one has actually ever played squash, the sport is merely mentioned in conversation by pompous cocksuckers trying to impress women.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Camaro


Camaro – muscle car of choice for guys named Randy everywhere. Trunk can be easily converted into a rolling meth lab or pirated DVD outlet.