Marines

Marines – US military outfit that wisely refused to admit Sean Gavigan into its officer training corps, despite his several attempts to join. Had they allowed him in, they would have had to change their slogan to: “The Few, The Proud, The Blinded by Rage and Testosterone.”

horse tranquilizers

horse tranquilizers – what kept Elvis alive for the last three years of his life. A great way to get a girl to “like you.”

Hokey Pokey

Hokey Pokey – another lame dance geared toward children and/or drunk 50 year old wedding guests named Lois.

Pac-Man

Pac-Man – video game icon created in 1980. Looks like a yellow pizza with one slice missing. I assume one of the ghosts ate the slice and that’s why Pac-Man gets pissed and tries to eat them. I can only imagine who ate Ms. Pac-Man.

moonshine

moonshine – homemade booze. Extremely potent and more often than not, made out of turpentine and fermented corn before it’s dispensed into Mason jars and sold off the back of a pick-up truck.

Matchbox 20

Matchbox 20 – if you like shitty, generic “rock” music… this is your band. Once I made my son listen to their song “3 A.M.” for an hour as punishment.

Mad Shitter

Mad Shitter – anonymous defecator sent here from another time to terrify you in a public bathroom. You never know when the Mad Shitter will strike.

diarrhea

diarrhea – pissing out your asshole. I almost prefer it because there’s almost no work and it’s usually a clean wipe.

Designing Women

Designing Women – another classic sitcom of the late 80’s and early 90’s that allowed America to watch Delta Burke transform from beauty queen to hippopotamus... a sexy hippopotamus.

Denise Huxtable

Denise Huxtable – the second Huxtable child, Lisa Bonet brought her teen sexuality to the role of Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show. One time she slammed her car into Stevie Wonder’s limo, and the whole Huxtable clan got to meet him in his recording studio.