1,001 Baby Vagina Names

1,001 Baby Vagina Names – If this book actually existed, no matter how helpful it might be, I'd have to bathe just to open it.

McDLT

McDLT – McDonalds sandwich in the 80’s whose major selling point was that the burger stayed hot and the lettuce and tomato stayed cool and crisp in the special dual compartment styrofoam container. Genius.

Is that your final answer?

Is that your final answer?! – phrase made popular by Regis Philbin on the game show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” As if Regis needed any help being a douche, Americans quickly adopted this phrase to use in any situation where a question had to be answered, thereby rendering it soul crushing.

Hulk

Hulk – green freak who capitalized on the “man becomes freak after exposure to radioactive material” craze of the 60’s (Spiderman, Fantastic Four). I always loved his purple corduroy pants.

Hostess

Hostess – makers of Twinkies and Ho-Hos, among other such delights. They used to make these sweet chocolate pudding pies. I’d eat three on my way to school everyday from 4th-6th grade. Thanks Hostess... for paving the way to obesity.

George Michael's Bi-Weekly Wednesday Night Masquerade Orgy

George Michael’s Bi-Weekly Wednesday Night Masquerade Orgy – Britain’s number one tourist attraction.

flannel shirt

flannel shirt – popular outerwear for lumberjacks and lesbians. During the grunge era of the 90’s every dick with long hair and a goatee wore them, with one tied around their waists and another fashioned into a headband or do-rag.

cooze waterfall

cooze waterfall – you have to go to a Krispy Kreme and see this to appreciate it fully. It’s literally a liquid sugar waterfall. If I could bathe in it, I would, but they kick you out of the store for that.

cleavage

cleavage – along with sarcasm and cold drinks, my favorite thing in the world.

Charles Bronson

Charles Bronson – the quintessential man’s man. A poor man’s Dirty Harry and the only man my father will always stop for when he’s flipping through the channels.