floater

floater – shit that just won’t go down. Not to be confused with a chick that just won't go down... that's a cock tease.

bikini

bikini - or as I refer to them: "Boner Factories." It helps if a hot girl is running the factory.

Dunkin' Donuts

Dunkin’ Donuts – what America runs on, apparently. I always thought we ran on a cocktail of equal parts meth, steroids, and dreams.

Dom Perignon

Dom Perignon – apparently, this is some really expensive champagne. I wouldn’t know off hand because the most expensive thing I ever had to drink was a half empty bottle of water from the Britney Spears “Onyx Hotel” Tour that I bought on eBay.

Dinty Moore Beef Stew

Dinty Moore Beef Stew – uncontested leader in the “canned meat stew type food” category. Its selling point is its versatility. It makes for a nutritious pet food, a sufficient engine and sexual lubricant, convincing novelty vomit, potent laxative, enriching garden fertilizer. You might say it's worst when used as food for humans.

hiplace

hiplace - a necklace you wear around your hips for maximum fuckability. I put one on a year ago and haven't seen it since.

"Do it to it!"

"Do it to it!" - term used by small engine mechanics, custodians, and anyone who wears flannel regularly. It's really the thinking man's "Git 'R Done!"

Jamiroquai

Jamiroquai – band from the 90’s that specialized in having an over the top annoying lead singer (Jay Kay) who wore a stupid looking hat all the time. Stay tuned for their appearance at the Shoney's off exit 44 on I-77 in Beckley, WV: half price apps.

Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson – hands down, one of the sexiest women this world has known. She’s so sexy I’m not even going to do a “Baywatch” joke here… or a Tommy Lee joke… or a hepatitis joke… or a Kid Rock joke… or a Barb Wire joke… or a PETA joke. OK, maybe a PETA joke: Isn’t fucking Kid Rock some sort of animal rights violation, like molesting a retarded chimp?

Nick at Nite

Nick at Nite – helping keep losers (including myself) occupied 24 hours a day by programming hours and hours of late night vintage sitcoms. Actually forces people to ask the question: "Can I afford to watch another Home Improvement, I mean, psychologically?"