merkin

merkin - a vagina wig.
Ex: "That's not your real pubic hair, is it?"
"No. it's a merkin."
"Gross."

Elton John

Elton John – a gay British musician who used to be famous for his music.

Diet Coke

Diet Coke – beverage of choice for people who think that by drinking diet soda they’re on a hardcore diet.
Ex: "I'll have 2 Big Macs, a quarter pounder with cheese, a Filet 'O Fish, 3 large fries, a Shamrock shake (it's March) whatever's left in that fryer over there, 2 apple pies, and.... a Diet Coke. I'm on a diet."

French Tickler

French Tickler - a condom with, like, extra little dicks on it for bonus penetration. I would ask that you now call it a "Freedom Tickler."

Velveeta

Velveeta - cheese food product that I have considered dedicating an entire restaurant to. You can melt it on anything and make it taste good.
Ex: broccoli or pussy

comment

comment - concept that too many people fail to grasp.
Ex: Me - "Hey, look at that cheeseburger!"
Comment - "Awesome!"

Cinderella

Cinderella - the prototype princess, but if the glass slipper only fits on Cinderella's foot, and so perfectly at that, how the hell did it ever fall off in the first place?
See also: these assholes --->

NERF

NERF - foam like substance that I wish my dick was made out of. NERF Dick... in stores now!

J-Lo

J-Lo – pop star, movie star, Jennifer Lopez. Married to the ugliest man in the world, Marc Anthony. She has done more for big round asses than anyone since Sir Mix-A-Lot.

huge honking dump

huge honking dump – what my son leaves for me to take care of about once every week. It actually does honk audibly, and I have to chop it up with a plastic fork to get it down… the toilet.

groupies

groupies – people who obsess over rock stars with the hopes of having sex with them in the locker room of whatever arena they’re playing. I was a Ruben Studdard groupie until he broke my heart.

Ford Ranger

Ford Ranger – truck that people buy to go with their IMAPUSSY license plates. “Sex” Ed Griffiths once made out with a 15 year old girl up against his Ranger in the Denny’s parking lot, much to our pre-Grand Slam amusement.

ecstasy

ecstasy – designer drug that helps people who want to act like douchenozzles but can’t do it without a little help.

shit sandwich

shit sandwich - term used to describe something awful... or everything on Subway's menu. Ex: I drive a Dodge Ram. Yeah, it might as well be a shit sandwich.
Another ex: I'll have the 12" shit sandwich.
Would you like extra shit on that?

eBay

eBay – website where you can buy and sell shit. The best place to get fake autographs.

Dungeons and Dragons

Dungeons and Dragons – much maligned game of nerds, geeks, and social outcasts that has since passed its torch to the Lord of the Rings movies.

douche

douche – cleaning out your vagina or someone you don’t particularly care for. In fact, the definition of the word can vary widely from individual to individual. It can just be someone shirtless wearing overalls or it can be Bill O'Reilly. The word is known for its versatility. Ex: “Hitler was a douche.”

corn dogs

corn dogs – the greatest human advancement in the last 100 years. Corn dogs and the jock strap.
There's a hot dog in there ---->

Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby – legendary entertainer known mostly for his sweaters, his association with pudding, and a distaste for “the kids and their crazy slang talk”… so basically your typical geezer.

Beth Dietrich

Beth Dietrich – hot girl from my high school who had the reputation of being a slut that was based solely on the fact that she looked like a slut and that she was always dating a guy from another school who was four years older than she was. My Mom thought Beth was 25 years old at our 8th grade dance.

glasses

glasses - implements for improved vision that, contrary to popular opinion, do not make you smarter. Nor do they generally prevent nerdy or angst-ridden social outcasts from being torrid sexpots, contrary to Freddie Prinze Jr. movies's opinion.

Dodge Ram

Dodge Ram - a truck that, if I'm not misinterpreting the commercials, you aren't allowed to drive without a cock and balls and weekly testosterone injections... no seriously, if you don't have these things, they give you keys to a suitcase when you buy one.

whoremom

whoremom – possibly a great idea for Tarrantino’s next movie. Sharon Stone plays supermom by day, superwhore by night.