1,001 Baby Vagina Names

1,001 Baby Vagina Names – If this book actually existed, no matter how helpful it might be, I'd have to bathe just to open it.

McDLT

McDLT – McDonalds sandwich in the 80’s whose major selling point was that the burger stayed hot and the lettuce and tomato stayed cool and crisp in the special dual compartment styrofoam container. Genius.

Is that your final answer?

Is that your final answer?! – phrase made popular by Regis Philbin on the game show “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” As if Regis needed any help being a douche, Americans quickly adopted this phrase to use in any situation where a question had to be answered, thereby rendering it soul crushing.

Hulk

Hulk – green freak who capitalized on the “man becomes freak after exposure to radioactive material” craze of the 60’s (Spiderman, Fantastic Four). I always loved his purple corduroy pants.

Hostess

Hostess – makers of Twinkies and Ho-Hos, among other such delights. They used to make these sweet chocolate pudding pies. I’d eat three on my way to school everyday from 4th-6th grade. Thanks Hostess... for paving the way to obesity.

George Michael's Bi-Weekly Wednesday Night Masquerade Orgy

George Michael’s Bi-Weekly Wednesday Night Masquerade Orgy – Britain’s number one tourist attraction.

flannel shirt

flannel shirt – popular outerwear for lumberjacks and lesbians. During the grunge era of the 90’s every dick with long hair and a goatee wore them, with one tied around their waists and another fashioned into a headband or do-rag.

cooze waterfall

cooze waterfall – you have to go to a Krispy Kreme and see this to appreciate it fully. It’s literally a liquid sugar waterfall. If I could bathe in it, I would, but they kick you out of the store for that.

cleavage

cleavage – along with sarcasm and cold drinks, my favorite thing in the world.

Charles Bronson

Charles Bronson – the quintessential man’s man. A poor man’s Dirty Harry and the only man my father will always stop for when he’s flipping through the channels.

beret

beret – outside of a vest, the most ridiculous thing you could ever put on your body and try to pass off as clothing.

Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf – both a fat singer who peaked in the 70’s and an entrée served in homes, restaurants, and school cafeterias for generations. It’s debatable which has more charisma. It seems as though he "would do anything for love... but [he] won't do that." And by "that" he means: share his hoagie.

Micheal J. Fox

Michael J. Fox – I mentioned some of his most iconic roles, but none of those even come close to the one, the only, Doc Hollywood. Also, the inspiration for 3 Names, the celebrity name game that derives its pleasure from our basic knowledge of celebrity names. The game goes as follows:
Me: Hey, don't you love Mike Fox?
You: Who's Mike Fox?
Me: You know, Mike Fox, the actor.
You: I have no idea who that is.
Me: What? Micheal Fox? How can you not know who that is?
You: No idea. What has this "Mike Fox" been in?
Me: You know, Mike Fox? Alex P. Keaton?
You: Not ringing a bell.
Me: This is shocking. He's a legend! Mike Fox.
You: Who?!
Me: Micheal J. Fox
You: Ohhhh! Michael JAY Fox. Yeah, I loved him in Doc Hollywood.
Me: Yeah, he's not the same without the "LLLL J."

It's a highly entertaining game: insert most any triple name celebrity and let the hilarity ensue. (James Earl Jones, Zachary Ty Brian, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, the other kid from Home Improvement) Feel free to mix in initials and popular nicknames to prolong the game and throw your opponent off.

Orlando Bloom

Orlando Bloom – I really don’t know anything about Orlando Bloom. Is he a celebrity of some sort?

porn

porn – short for “pornography.” The new national pastime.

Hershey squirts

Hershey squirts – another name for diarrhea, but there are too many people who use the term when someone farts. Let's try to have some self-respect, people.

1984

1984 – A sweet Van Halen album, if not for “Hot For Teacher” then for the little kid with wings smoking butts on the cover... or, a book about spying on people... or, the year when they started forcing boys to shower together after gym class.

Come On Eileen

Come On Eileen – the one song in the history of music that makes me throw up.

Cinn-A-Bons

Cinn-A-Bons – I’ve never had them, but I like to think they taste like melted unicorns... which are delicious, by the way.

bullest dyke

bullest dyke – of all the lesbians, the one who looks most like Jay Leno.

black light posters

black light posters – all the rage at 7th grade make-out parties and dorm rooms of assholes who think they will help them get chicks. Must contain either a skull, a wizard, or a pot leaf.

anal warts

anal warts – pretty much anything in the anus is bad, but I imagine warts to be about the worst. Why would you put a toad in your ass anyway?

Velveeta

Velveeta – a wonderful cheese product from Kraft that comes in brick form. It’s definitely not cheese, but whatever it is, it’s full of creamy goodness. Best when eaten raw by lopping chunks off the "cheese" brick with a fork.

yuppie

yuppie – term used to describe Young Urban Professionals in the 80’s. Loose translation: pompous asshole who may or may not wear his collar up. Porsche optional.

Tijuana

Tijuana (or "TJ" if you're from The OC)– this city in Mexico is like a real, live action eBay. You can buy or sell anything there: babies, abortions, narcotics, women, Kentucky Fried Chicken, fake IDs. Their slogan is: “No matter how long you’re here, you always go back with something… that may or may not be contagious.”

inator

inator – when added to the end of a name, adds instant credibility and toughness.

hand-job/HJ

hand-job/HJ – what $10 will get you in any bus station restroom.

Electric Slide

Electric Slide – a group dance too often performed at weddings and other ceremonial gatherings, made popular by the movie “The Super” starring Joe Pesci… making it’s popularity that much more astounding.

drop ceiling

drop ceiling – ceiling with panels that “drop” into a metal frame. Each panel’s ability to be removed and replaced efficiently provides a wonderful hiding place for porn, guns, severed limbs, candy, and other contraband.

David Lee Roth

David Lee Roth (DLR)– fits perfectly into my personal definition of “rock star,” from the spandex to getting busted for buying weed in Washington Square Park to becoming an EMT? and all the leg kicks and womanizing in between.

Damn Straight

Damn Straight – an exclamation in the affirmative. Ex: “Would you like some fresh ground pepper?” “Damn Straight! Bring it!”

Cream of Wheat

Cream of Wheat – my Mom always tried to replace my oatmeal with this, thinking I wouldn’t notice, but it tastes like glue and has the consistency of a yeast infection? I don’t even know what that means.

Chevy Impala

Chevy Impala – one of Chevy’s “hey I drive an army tank, but not really” models.

Cavalier

Cavalier – one of Chevy’s “hey I’ve got a sports car, but not really” models.

Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel – fairy tale brother and sister tandem. The first children to fall for the line “hey kids, want some candy?”

inny

inny – a belly button that dips inward for maximum lint and residue collection. Outies are creepy. They look like your stomach is taking a shit.

wing sauce

wing sauce – like syrup on waffles, when you use wing sauce, no matter how careful you are you always end up finding some on your elbow a week later.

Wiffle bat

Wiffle bat – long, yellow, plastic baseball bat used to hit round, white, plastic baseballs and particularly unruly children.

Whoppers

Whoppers – plural form of Burger King’s mack daddy of burgers. The Whopper just might be the perfect fast food burger, big and sloppy, just like Mom… used to make.

voodoo doll

voodoo doll – a doll fashioned in the likeness of your sworn enemy. Supposedly, whatever you do to the doll will really happen to whomever it represents. But there’s really no substitute for kicking your enemy in the crotch with your own foot.

Valentines Day

Valentines Day – my favorite day of the year. Sex and candy, what more could you ask for?

Pepsi

Pepsi – second rate soft drink. When I order a Coke and the waitress says, “Is Pepsi OK?” I answer with, “No, go back in the kitchen, piss in a frosty mug, then have your fattest ugliest cook hock a loogie in it. I’d much rather drink that than Pepsi.”

onesie

onesie – name for an infants garment that snaps together in the crotch in order to make diaper changing in the middle of the night as challenging as possible.

Oklahoma!

Oklahoma! – lavish musical by Rodgers and Hammerstein. Nothing says musical theater like an exclamation point at the end of the title.

McDonalds

McDonalds – fast food chain with over one billion served… and only roughly 65% experienced crippling diarrhea.

Marines

Marines – US military outfit that wisely refused to admit Sean Gavigan into its officer training corps, despite his several attempts to join. Had they allowed him in, they would have had to change their slogan to: “The Few, The Proud, The Blinded by Rage and Testosterone.”

horse tranquilizers

horse tranquilizers – what kept Elvis alive for the last three years of his life. A great way to get a girl to “like you.”

Hokey Pokey

Hokey Pokey – another lame dance geared toward children and/or drunk 50 year old wedding guests named Lois.

Pac-Man

Pac-Man – video game icon created in 1980. Looks like a yellow pizza with one slice missing. I assume one of the ghosts ate the slice and that’s why Pac-Man gets pissed and tries to eat them. I can only imagine who ate Ms. Pac-Man.

moonshine

moonshine – homemade booze. Extremely potent and more often than not, made out of turpentine and fermented corn before it’s dispensed into Mason jars and sold off the back of a pick-up truck.

Matchbox 20

Matchbox 20 – if you like shitty, generic “rock” music… this is your band. Once I made my son listen to their song “3 A.M.” for an hour as punishment.

Mad Shitter

Mad Shitter – anonymous defecator sent here from another time to terrify you in a public bathroom. You never know when the Mad Shitter will strike.

diarrhea

diarrhea – pissing out your asshole. I almost prefer it because there’s almost no work and it’s usually a clean wipe.

Designing Women

Designing Women – another classic sitcom of the late 80’s and early 90’s that allowed America to watch Delta Burke transform from beauty queen to hippopotamus... a sexy hippopotamus.

Denise Huxtable

Denise Huxtable – the second Huxtable child, Lisa Bonet brought her teen sexuality to the role of Denise Huxtable on The Cosby Show. One time she slammed her car into Stevie Wonder’s limo, and the whole Huxtable clan got to meet him in his recording studio.

Charo

Charo – one of the most annoying people to walk the face of the earth. It’s amazing what people thought was entertaining in the 70’s.

Cher

Cher – one step above Charo.

Asian stripper

Asian stripper – a leotard and some creepy leering men away from being an Asian gymnast.

Asian gymnast

Asian gymnast – a pole and some creepy leering men away from being an Asian stripper.

Don't Go There!

Don’t Go There – you will regret saying what you’re about to say if you say it. Over used by people in middle management at shitty office jobs and white people who think it makes them sound more “street.”

taxidermy

taxidermy – the "art" of preserving animal, fish, and other carcasses for aesthetic value and bragging rights.

Growing Pains

Growing Pains – the sitcom that depicted the life and times of the Seaver family (Jason, Maggie, Mike, Carol, Ben, and later, when the show started to shit the bed, Chrissy). They had a character on the show named “Boner.” How sweet is that?

gal dern

gal dern – ?????

Fat Fairy

Fat Fairy – this mythical creature appears during naps and gives people spare tires, extra chins, and stretch marks. Looks like Kirstie Alley with wings, a pork chop in one hand and spray butter in the other.

exercise ball

exercise ball – on the list of “Things I Ignore When I Walk By Them,” it’s number three behind crying babies and vegetables.

Danny DeVito

Danny De Vito – whenever someone talks about an uncle I’ve never met, I picture De Vito. His work on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is as good as his work on the film Twins, with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Dachshund

Dachshund – most people use the term Wiener Dog. I think Dachshund should be the next Saab convertible.

chicks

chicks – another in a long line of degrading terms for women. If you called Jesse Spano (from Saved by the Bell) a “chick” she would kick Slater in the groin. One time Jesse took some speed and was out of control studying for a test.

blow

blow – cocaine, or what I wish I could do to myself.

Alex Keaton

Alex Keaton – before Marty McFly and Teen Wolf, Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties, the hugely popular 80’s sitcom. One time Alex took some speed and was out of control studying for a test.

acid-washed jeans

acid-washed jeans – why people would wash their jeans in acid is beyond me, but everyone from 1986-1990 did.

Zima

Zima – much maligned alcoholic beverage that wasn’t beer, wasn’t liquor, and wasn’t wine. Zima was responsible for countless freshman females’ one night forays into lesbianism, and for countless beatings for freshman guys caught drinking it.

Winger

Winger – awful 80’s/90’s hair metal band. Thought provoking lyrics like, “She’s only seventeen, daddy says she’s too young, but she’s old enough for me” and “She’s a magic mountain, she’s a leather glove,” are what made this band special.

The Beaver Lodge

The Beaver Lodge – as far as I know, this is the name of a strip club that I made up based on my knowledge of euphemism and innuendo, but I have a feeling there’s a real Beaver Lodge out there somewhere.

superheroes

superheroes – anyone with super powers and homoerotic tendencies. My super power is identifying celebrity voices in animated movies.

Playboy

Playboy – if you just want to see airbrushed naked women and read interviews with Burt Reynolds, this is the magazine for you.

perms

perms – at some point in the 70’s white people wanted to have afros, and the perm was born.

Leo

Leo – zodiac sign of the lion. According to my ex-girlfriend’s mother, whenever anything good happened it was because she was a Leo. Whenever anything bad happened it was because her daughter was overweight and overbearing.

Jason Seaver

Jason Seaver – the incomparable Alan Thicke lent his smooth and Canadian acting stylings to the role of Jason Seaver, the father on Growing Pains. One time Jason yelled at Mike for having a party at the house while they were away.

herpes

herpes – as far as I know, it’s the only STD with its own website, www.herpes.com. Check it out for some hot herpes action.

granola

granola – in blind taste tests where participants were asked to guess the ingredients of the granola they were tasting, the three most popular guesses were: dirt, some sort of dried animal feces, and sawdust.

Denny's Grand Slam

Denny’s Grand Slam – 2 pancakes, 2 eggs, 2 strips of bacon and 2 sausage links. A great meal that I always felt was a little too skimpy on portion size. Shouldn’t a grand slam be four of everything?

Class of '92 tassel

Class of ’92 tassel – if you ever placed your graduation tassel on your rearview mirror, there’s a line forming over here so I can punch you in the face.

Chewbacca

Chewbacca – hairy beast from Star Wars… no wait, that’s George Lucas.

Bud Light

Bud Light – alcoholic water. Winner of Bud Bowl III.

Panama

Panama – not just a country in Central America with a canal. It’s also the title of a kick ass Van Halen song that was on my basketball team’s warm-up tape senior year.

muzac

muzac – popular songs played on what is presumably a Casio keyboard from K Mart, and piped into elevators and doctor’s offices worldwide. You know you’ve made it as a musician if someone is strangling their co-worker in an elevator to the muzac version of your hit song.

Mohammed

Mohammed – seemingly a pretty cool dude: founded Islam, united millions of people, brilliant prophet, probably rocked the sandals. But for some reason, not everyone’s a fan.

Jesus

Jesus – seemingly a pretty cool dude: walking on water, coming back to life, always wearing sandals, healing the sick. But for some reason not everyone’s a fan.

Friendly's

Friendly’s – restaurant chain known for its “Fribble” milkshakes. “Fribble” is the breed of rat they chop up and mix into the shakes for that extra zing.

fixins

fixins – shit you put on your food. Possible fixins include: pickles, onions, anything from the bacon family, cheese, lettuce, tomato, anything by Chef Boyardee.

lightsaber

lightsaber – weapon of choice for Jedi knights and dorks standing in line 6 weeks in advance for tickets to see Star Wars.

Ashlee Simpson

Ashlee Simpson – Less talented than her sister(Jessica Simpson)’s left breast. Karaoke night at Chi-Chi’s produces better singers

Aretha Franklin

Aretha Franklin – The Queen of Soul who slowly became The Queen of Lard and Baby Back Ribs.

James Brown

James Brown - The Godfather of Soul who became The Godfather of Crack Binges That Render Him a Raving Lunatic. Also known as The Hardest Working Man in Show Business… although I don’t know that he worked anywhere other than Popeye’s in the last 10 years of his life.

Mike Piazza

Mike Piazza – longtime “catcher” for the New York Mets. He’s still trying to prove he’s not gay, but even without the moustache he runs like a 13 year old girl, and has a weaker arm to boot.

rectal thermometer

rectal thermometer – one of the few things you’re supposed to put in a kid’s ass. They say it’s the most accurate means of taking someone’s temperature, but if you’re so hot that you’re even contemplating shoving an instrument up your ass, I’d say you’re definitely not feeling well.

PT Cruiser

PT Cruiser – in 2000, Chrysler debuted this car that became the preferred vehicle for people who weren’t cool but thought they were.

Pictionary

Pictionary – responsible for more domestic violence and verbal abuse than alcohol and unemployment put together.

Gap

Gap – retail clothing store whose primary goal is to make America look lame.

French-Canadian

French-Canadian – the definition of a double whammy.

Dr. Scholl's

Dr. Scholl’s – shoe inserts to help with comfort and odor. What my great aunt smells like.

Domino's

Domino’s – the pizza chain that made my college years so blissful. We had their phone number on speed dial. Caution: only tastes good if you have no money and are between the ages of 18 and 23.

Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper – once quoted as saying “girls just wanna have fun.” I’m not sure I believe her, because most girls I’ve met “just wanna have my baby!” Awww yeah!

chloroform

chloroform – the media has taught me that you use chloroform to render your victim unconscious. I don’t know that it has other uses.

Boones

Boones – cheap wine featured in many a Kid Rock song. Great for drinking next to a dumpster.

pogo stick

pogo-stick – a toy that dates back to the early 1900’s that is perfect for that young boy or girl who just hasn’t had enough massive head trauma.

Sally Struthers

Sally Struthers – formerly Gloria Bunker from the sitcom All in the Family, she has been a crusader for starving children for many years now, although it would seem, by her appearance, that a large percentage of the funds she raises are funneled directly into her own Pizza Hut account.

Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell – big, fat, morbidly ugly D-list celebrity famous for having sex with women.

Ron Jeremy

Ron Jeremy – big, fat, morbidly ugly D-list celebrity famous for having sex with women.

WrestleMania

WrestleMania – what my weird uncle tried to convince me we were having, shirtless on his futon. Also, the WWE’s (formerly WWF) annual extravaganza of fake wrestling and bad acting.

TGI Friday's

TGI Friday’s – well known family restaurant chain. I once got an Italian sub there and it made me convulse... in a bad way. The chef must have prepared it with his feet.

tar heroin

tar heroin – heroin from Mexico that looks and feels like roofing tar. If you shoot some heroin, you will inevitably end up in Charlie Sheen’s living room… everyone does.

skid-mark

skid-mark – better to leave them in the toilet than in your underwear, although I’ve done both, it’s a fine line between pride and shame. If you skid-mark the toilet, you’re a hardcore macho man; skid-mark your underwear and you’re a disgrace who shits his pants.

Kid 'N Play

Kid ‘N Play – in an era of high top fade haircuts and mustard colored overalls, Kid ‘N Play reigned supreme. The rap and dance duo starred in the three highly successful House Party films, if by “highly successful” you mean “movies I saw four times in the theater.”

Old Spice

Old Spice – replacing showers for men since 1938.

midget tossing

midget tossing – it’s literally, tossing midgets for distance and prizes, and I swear I saw it regularly on television when I was a kid. There are worse things they could be tossing… like horse manure or babies.

Judas

Judas – screwed Jesus over, hardcore. And if the Bible told the whole story, I’m sure he cock-blocked him once or twice too.

Jack Daniels

Jack Daniels – popular brand of Tennessee whiskey. Fuel for domestic abuse, bar fights, and wetting the bed after doing both of those things.

Fast Food Nation

Fast Food Nation – a book that I thought was going to be about how awesome fast food is… it’s not.

C3PO's left testicle

C3PO’s left testicle – I imagine it’s well oiled and made of some exotic alloy… so you could say that C3PO’s left testicle is “exotic and well oiled,” it’s also much larger than his right, not at all unlike mine.

Alyssa Milano

Alyssa Milano – starred in programs such as Who’s The Boss, Charmed, and my first wet dream.

Equator

Equator – hot imaginary line.

pull string

pull string – an implement of the toy industry to make dolls and action figures talk, for those children who really have no friends.

Schnapps

Schnapps – for its myriad of fruity flavors, Schnapps is a popular choice of liquor among 13-16 year old girls breaking into their parents’ liquor cabinets at sleep overs.

Reba McIntyre

Reba McIntyre – red-headed country singer now starring in her own sitcom called “Reba,” and joining Tony Danza on the list of actors too stupid to play a character with a name other than their own. One time “Reba” was on… by accident.

Pauly Shore

Pauly Shore – no one had more undeserving sex with hot women than Pauly Shore, and no one made such brilliant and misunderstood films: Bio Dome, Son in Law, Encino Man… need I go on? Actually, I really can’t go much further than that.

pant-suit

pant-suit – implies that at some point in time suits came without pants.

Canada

Canada – the United States 10 years ago.

Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan – on my list of “Women I Might Let Sodomize Me With A Broomstick,” Mean Girls era Lohan is number one.

Intelligent Design

Intelligent Design – it has something to do with God, Darwin, Bigfoot, Einstein, and chimpanzees. I’m not sure what, but that would be a fucking awesome band.

Def Leppard

Def Leppard – despite the efforts of their one armed drummer, Rick Allen, Def Leppard sucks.

crystal meth/meth

crystal meth/meth – nothing you can’t make with whatever you find in your garage, shed, basement, or crawl space and sell to people in the sporting goods department of Wal-Mart.

beef jerky

beef jerky – sounds sexual, right? Well it is, but it’s also meat that is smoked into oblivion for snacking purposes. Slim Jim (sounds sexual, right?) is arguably the most popular due to commercials featuring Randy “Macho Man” Savage.

Bartles & Jaymes

Bartles & Jaymes – one of the leaders of the wine cooler boom of the mid 1980’s, a boom that was personally extended well into the 90’s by my ex-girlfriend.

Axe Body Spray

Axe body spray – deodorant body spray that will make women attack you at the slightest whiff, whether they’re turned on or just disoriented by the pungency is up for debate.

Cat Scratch Fever

Cat Scratch Fever – the only Ted Nugent song I could think of. For 50 points, can you name another?

gonorrhea

gonorrhea – sexually transmitted disease that can be spread from mother to baby in delivery. How pissed would you be if you got gonorrhea from your Mom? You can't high five to that.

Talk to the Hand

Hey, talk to the hand! – when someone is fed up with you, they might use this phrase. The phrase, like most other catch phrases, hit rock bottom when I heard my mother use it.

Life's A Bitch T-Shirt

Life’s A Bitch t-Shirt – I’ve never seen a thin person wear one of these shirts, they always opt for the clever variation, “Life’s A Beach.” And the rift between fat and skinny people has never been summed up so succinctly.

Mr. T

Mr. T – Mr. T ruled the 80’s with a mohawk, a lot of gold chains, a denim vest, a breakfast cereal, a cartoon series, an action figure, and a hit primetime TV show. Now I assume he rules the car wash he works at in much the same way.

Trans Am

Trans Am – The car I wanted from the time I was five years old until I became aware of the responsibility that comes with being a Trans Am owner: selling cigarettes and stolen car stereos out of the trunk to high school kids, complete knowledge of the vehicle right down to the ball bearings, and tight jeans.

I'm Too Sexy

I’m Too Sexy – a song by Right Said Fred from 1992 that was performed by dudes who were about as sexy as a goiter. The song was a runaway hit due to lyrics that were easily subjected to improvisation by office hacks and older people trying to sound hip to younger people. Ex: “I’m too sexy for my (insert situation/appropriate lame object here).”

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days – another Kate Hudson vehicle that left me wishing she had bigger boobs.

Sledge-O-Matic

Sledge-O-Matic - A huge, wooden mallet. Hilarious, right?

Gallagher

Gallagher – before Carrot Top, Gallagher was the comedian you referenced to describe people who were uncharacteristically lame and not funny despite their best efforts. These people are largely Gallagher fans. Coincidence?

Gallagher is infamous for smashing watermelons with his “Sledge-O-Matic.”

El Dorado

El Dorado – the luxury car of all luxury cars. If you had to trace the origin of every person born in the 70’s, 42% would lead you to the backseat of an El Dorado.

combat boots

combat boots – conflicted footwear that sends the mixed message of both hardcore punk and gay biker’s bitch.

clubbing

clubbing – an activity that requires gold chains, chest hair, chinos, low self-esteem, hair gel, booze, Dakkar, and Techno.

Statue of Liberty

Statue of Liberty – statue that welcomes foreigners into the United States, unless you look suspicious, then it just stares accusingly until the cavity search is over.

Tito Jackson

Tito Jackson – of the Jacksons, the one I always thought could have played power forward for the Knicks.

Titanic

Titanic – immense “unsinkable” cruise ship that almost killed Leonardo DiCaprio in April of 1912. Thank God it didn’t.

The Drunk Backstreet Boy

the drunk Backstreet Boy – sick of being called “the ugly Backstreet Boy,” A.J. McLean checked into rehab during the height of the group’s popularity in order to become “the drunk Backstreet Boy.” Now people just call him, “Who?”

"It's all you"

“It’s all you” – equally cheesy line for weight room use. Sometimes I just scream it at guys at the drinking fountain.

"Feel the burn!"

“Feel the burn” – cheesy line you scream while spotting someone in the weight room. Also, often heard emanating from my bathroom late at night after some questionable chili.